Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Today You would be 3 weeks......

Tuesday April 20th, 2010

My sweet baby boy,

Today you would have been three weeks old. I miss you so much. I think about you all the time. I put your slide show on and just stare at your pictures. I still wake up hoping it's a bad dream and that you will be here. Once I look around and see that your not, it breaks my heart. I don't know what to do. I beg for you to come back. I beg for an answer to why you had to leave me so soon. At some points of the day I feel like I can't breath. The idea of not seeing you again drives me insane. So many thoughts run through my mind......

I wish I could wake up in the middle of the night and change your diaper or feed you.
I wish I had more memories.
I wish I would've spoke up more to the doctors and nurses.
I wish I would've been able to take away your pain.
I wish I could've kept you inside me longer.
I wish you were here.

The other day I received your insurance card in the mail and realized you would never use it. We go to the store and I see baby clothes and think how adorable you would've looked in them. I get coupons for diapers, wipes or baby lotion in the mail and realize I don't need them because your not here. I can't help but to think how unfair it is.

When I was little my parent's would drive by this cemetery and I remember not being able to look at it. It gave me chills. What's crazy is that's the cemetery where you are now. I can't help to think that that's the reason why I couldn't look at it.

I love you Ramon. You are the sweetest gift that I have ever gotten. I loved every second I got to be your Mommy. I hope you know that. To me you were perfect. I miss you and I pray that one day I will get the chance to be with you again.

Mama loves you baby, forever and always.